


Under the Bridge

by Nylazor



Series: The Adventures of Cal Amell [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Asexual Character, Cutting, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Self-Harm, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 19:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16101950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nylazor/pseuds/Nylazor
Summary: Cal blows off steam after talking to Wynn





	Under the Bridge

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this  
> http://gaygothguy.tumblr.com/post/178320442614/i-didnt-think-that-my-first-ever-fanfic-would-be

Cal was angry.

Very.

Zevran could see the way he smashed the rocks into trees, occasionally knocking them down. Zevran hadn't seen him this angry since the circle. Even Barkspawn seemed afraid of his wrath.

“Mi Amor.” Zevran called out careful to be a few metres back.

With a final swing of his staff Cal threw a rock into a pine, it whined defiantly before falling under the pressure. Cal was breathing hard and waited a few moments before turning around.

“I… what?” Cal’s eyes were on the ground.

“You seem upset, I was wondering if there was anything I could do to release tension.”

“I was just releasing tension.” Cal argued gesturing to the destroyed landscape around him.

“Well… yes, but my way does less environmental destruction and conserves mana. More pleasurable too.” Cal looked unconvinced. “You're scaring your dog.”

Cal’s head perked up. “No I'm not!” He glanced around. “He's not even here, he's probably back at camp.”

“That dog follows you everywhere you go, including your tent… call him.”

“Barkspawn come here!” Cal called out.

A loud whine before the dog came slinking out behind a tree.

“Barky!” Cal kneeled and hesitantly the dog trotted up to him. “Oh, I'm sorry boy, you know I would never hurt you, right? You're such a good boy, good boy!”

The dog barked and wagged his tail before falling on his back and exposing his belly. Immediately Cal dropped his staff and started rubbing with both hands. Cal seemed to completely ignore Zevran in preference of the dog, making cooing sounds and assurances. It's times like this that Zevran wondered if Cal loved the dog more than him, Cal certainly never looked at him like that. He thought his worries would be assured when they finally, and it had been almost a year, finally had sex, but Cal seemed disinterested during. He wasn't happy like he was with Barkspawn. Zevran shook his head.

“And what affection do you give to the savior of you're stinky hound?” Zevran sing-songed.

Cal and the mabari both looked up. “He's not stinky! Mabari’s just have a natural musk!” Cal argued.

“But, of course.” Zevran relented.

Nevertheless Cal got up and embraced him pressing his lips against his cheek. “Thanks.”

“Now what did those nasty trees do to you that made you fell so many, eh?” Zevran asked.

Cal blushed, Maker, he was easy to make blush. “It… wasn't the trees. It was… Wynn.”

“Ah and what did the old windbag say to upset my lover so badly?”

Cal blushed deeper. “She said that my responsibilities as a grey warden are more important than pleasure… she said she thinks we should seperate.” Zevran waited. “Oh yeah and she says we keep everyone up at night.”

“Is that all?” He asked.

“Wha- yeah! My mentor said she thinks I should break up with you! And, and, and I have to think as a grey warden not be selfish!”

“I'm sorry mi amor, I did not mean to dismiss what she has said, it is simply… are you not allowed to be selfish?”

“No!” Cal answered quickly and stoutly.

“But whyever not? You are saving your country, you're making treaties and fighting darkspawn, what's wrong with a little pleasure?”

Cal folded his arms. “Because… because…”

“So we might die tomorrow, that has always been my life, let us take our pleasures where we can find them, no?”

“I shouldn't have slept with you!” Cal blurted before covering his mouth in embarrassment.

“Is this because Wynne disapproves? You know she is no longer in charge of you, correct? If anything you are in charge of her.”

“But she's so much older and wiser than I, shouldn't I respect her and her opinion?” Cal asked.

“Well, Irving and Gregoire are both older than even her, should you not respect them?”

The air suddenly smelled odd and started to crackle. It took Zevran a moment to realize this is what happens just before Cal summons lightning. Cal’s eyes glazed over in fury and the hair on Zevran's neck good up on end. Thinking quickly Zevran took Cal into his arms and pressed their lips together. A shock jumped from their lips and Zevran felt tingling down his spine and slight sting in the base of his feet. After a moment the crackling stopped and Cal pulled away and looked at him sheepishly.

“It was an example. Sometimes age breeds wisdom, and I'm sure in some things Wynn is wise. However in matters of love and _sex_.” Zevran purred the word causing the blush to return to Cal’s cheeks. “She is lacking, you are saving the world, what is a little fun between the sheets?”

Cal sighed and rested his head on Zevran's shoulder. “Are you proud of me at least?”

Zevran looked at him quizzically.

“Because I didn't cut, I really wanted to, but I didn't.” Cal’s eyes got big and sad.

“Ah, then I am very proud of you, my warden. But why would you want to cut?”

“I… emotions are big and scary, like sadness, fear, or anger, sometimes I just want to make it stop, and I found out when I was young that hurting myself makes it stop. It's a lot easier than dealing with them.” Cal gestured to the torn up ground.

“How young I wonder.” Zevran asked.

“Mmm, I don't really remember, it was definitely before I got to the circle. Maybe 7? It started with scratching until I bled and than I worked up to cutting with a knife. Why?”

Zevran looked at him with pity. “While I was learning how to cut throats you were learning how to cut yourself. But both of us were learning to repress emotions.” He mused.

Cal pushed him gently. “What a pair we are, cutter of throats and cutter of myself. Antivan assassin, and Ferelden mage.”

“A warden and a crow.” Zevran continued.

“A man and ... Something different.” Cal smiled ebbed a bit.

“Just because you were born a girl, you are a man now, no? You certainly look like one. Through magic or not the results are the same.”

Cal hugged himself. “I hated my girl body ever since I was a child I wanted to have a flat chest. I guess that I thought that I would want a penis too, but now I'm disgusted by my penis, but I was disgusted by my vagina too… I don't know.” Cal suddenly seemed to realize what he was saying. “by the Maker!” He covered his face. “I'm so sorry I shouldn't have said all that oh by Andraste.”

“You Ferelden's are so strange! How are you supposed to learn but to talk about these things. I don't the mind talking about this with you. But you know in my travel I have met people who have both, and eunuchs who have neither.”

“Really?” Cal’s eyes got big.

“Yes, though rarely, perhaps you are destined to become one of these, no?”

“I bet you slept with someone who had both.” Cal grinned at him.

“But of course, his name was Muriel and he was quite an interesting lover.”

Cal blushed again and shoved his face in Zevran's shoulder again. “When this is over, I'll have to look into that.”

“Add it to your list, save the world, get a tattoo, make your body yours…”

“And I already have a piercing.” Cal grinned and touched the gold earrings on his helix.

Zevran smiled at him. “Let's go back to camp shall we? Keep the others up all night?”

Cal smiled. “I'd like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Oh Zevran confusing gender with sex, and intersex and eunuchs with non binary people. I mean, it's not like there's a lot of reference in dragon age.  
> comment? :3


End file.
